At what point do we know who we are?
When I was in seventh and eighth grade I would sometimes become very frustrated with myself because I had no idea who I was. I mean, I knew WHO I was. I knew what I looked like, who my family members were, who my friends were, and my basic interests. But who was I really? I didn't know, and it pissed me off. I was somewhere between being a little kid and being an adult and I knew that I was different from everyone else on the planet but how different? And in what ways? Everyone is different to some extent. How was I an individual?
I have no idea when I answered that question for myself, but it set in about a couple months ago. I was having a conversation with someone and they asked me a question. It was one of those "Really?" questions like "Are you really going to do that?" or "Is that really how you [verb]?" One of those questions in which the answer may or may not be used against you later on in life. And at that moment I squared my shoulders, lifted my chin and said, "Of course. I'm Susan Peevy. What do you think?"
So there I was. Finally an individual. I had a personality, a character, one of the many players in the game of life. It continued from there. "Why are you even asking me this? I mean, who do you think you're talking to?" I was developing, finding myself, pulling out scraps of memories and stashing them in a box labeled "Experiences".
I know who I am now. But when did I first begin knowing? Was it a while ago? Was it at that moment when I first used my own personality as an excuse?
And is it possible to change your personality once you've found it?
Not that I'd want to. I mean, I'm Susan Peevy. I don't change that easily.
(Isn't it amazing that I'm able to say that?)
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